indifference

Had I known you did not and still do not share my enthusiasm for being friends, I would have stopped ages ago. You should have known me better than you’re showing me now. I never ever said a word that I had even the slightest chance of regretting the next day, when the alcohol in our brains have subsided, and when sanity regains control of our thoughts. You, on the other hand, had exhibited far less discretion on that department. On several occasions, when I thought your words were enough to hold on to, they would be rebuked by the reality that they were indeed said under the influence of alcohol.

Several times have you cried on my shoulders, both literally and metaphorically. Several times have I been witness to your confessions about how your life had been, or is being. Several times had I fallen victim unwittingly of course, to your nonsensical ramblings about things that never would come true. Your life is a fantasy, that I thought I could live. I thought that I could ride the waves you brought like a surfer against a very big tide. But no. I’ve fallen every time.

What was it that you claim I said about you? Have you heard me deny it? You gave me the license to say it the moment you betrayed the trust I had in your words. I should have never put so much faith in what you say. But I did. And that’s a compliment to you. Surely it would take much effort on your part to understand that. All you heard was what I said, but never put consideration on why it was said.

I treated you as a friend. I treated you with civility. I treated you like I knew you. It turns out, you never even bothered knowing me at all. We had the good times, yes, but that’s all we were ever good for.

So to you, who I thought could be a significant part of me, I bid you good luck. May you find your happiness in whatever form you may find it. I shall take no part in it, as I had already tried. But failed.

The indifference I am showing you now is more than enough testimony of what we could have been.