Friday, June 23, 2006

far behind

Now maybe
I didn’t mean to treat you bad,
But I did it anyway

David let his right arm rest on the sheets next to him. He felt the smooth silk rub against his skin. His clock says its 5:58 in the morning, two whole minutes before the time he set it to sound off. He closed his eyes, imagined that Claire was still there in that empty space on his bed that he woke up to today. But she was nowhere there.

His head ached, probably from lack of liquid, water perhaps. He tried to remember where he was the night before. Oh yes, he went drinking, for no apparent reasons, except that he was lonely, and alone. He lay there on his bed long after the alarm had sounded off. He listened to it a little, admiring the rhythmic melody alarm clocks make in the heads of half-awakes. Then he slammed his fist on it to shut it up. It didn’t break though, and he didn’t want it too. It wasn’t its fault that Claire wasn’t there next to him.

Now maybe
Some would say your life was sad
But you lived it anyway

David washed his head with cold water. He looked at himself in the mirror, letting the droplets trickle down his cheeks. What he saw was horrible. His eyes had grown deep, and hollow orbs stood in their places. It’s been four months now since he last heard from Claire. Her last words were spoken at a higher decibel level than he had remembered, and then silence, except for the sound of her car speeding away. In the reflection in the mirror David can see where her right hand landed as a token of her last affection for him. It still hurts, even after three months. But the pain wasn’t in the flesh: it was in his heart.

So maybe
Your friends will stand around, they’ll watch you crumble
As you falter to the ground

He reached for his phone and checked if there were any messages. There were no new ones, only sympathetic forwarded messages from friends telling him how strong a rock he should be, or how a new morning will come for him, or how they’re going to meet up tonight for some time in the bar and pick up chicks. I’m still lucky, he thought, that there are still people dumb enough to send me messages, somehow that consoles. But it was Claire he wanted. It was her messages that David wished he was reading. It was her he wanted on the other side of that phone talking to him. But there was silence. Unwelcome silence.

And then someday we could take our time
To brush the leaves aside so you can reach us
Yeah but you left me far behind

Now maybe, didn’t mean to treat you oh so bad
But I did it anyway
Now maybe
Some would say you’re left with what you have
But you couldn’t share the pain yeah no no no

David stepped into a brand new shirt and pants, and into a new pair of shoes he had just bought. He had to close this chapter of his life, and start a new one. Because he’s sure, Claire had stepped out.

but you left me far behind
left me far behind
left me far behind

Tuesday, June 13, 2006

untitled: all i can do was shake my head and smile

Jason stretched his legs on the green grass. He stared at the small pond in front of him, squinted a little when the light glistening on its surface reflected into his eyes. The sun was beating down on everything around him, and the shade of that big tree gave him shelter. At least he was safe even temporarily. But he has something else beating down on him, one that he cannot find shelter from no matter where he goes. Jason was suffering the pain of someone leaving, someone who took part of him away. He can never be whole again.

Jason leaned back, his two legs out in front and his weight rested on his two outstretched arms at the back. He let his face against a soft breeze that came from the pond. He imagined them to be Cathy’s breath and a soft kiss would follow. There was no kiss, just a rustle of grass. Near the shore Jason counted little waves that hit like seconds passing. Like him, time was only waiting to be finished.

He fished a small locket from his left pocket. He let it dangle in his fingers for a while, staring at it and playing with it like a little boy with a spider on a stick. He watched as the locket swung on its chain. It was a silver likeness of a dolphin that has just hopped out of the water. Cathy had a thing for dolphins, and this was hers. Jason remembered how she had given him this locket, to be a remembrance of sorts. But it turned out to be a goodbye token, something that Jason found too heavy to drag along. He opened it, and inside was her name scratched on it. Cathy scratched it herself, adding that it would be more personal, more intimate, more sincere.

“It’s over now Cathy.” Jason said under an incomplete breath. He stared straight into nowhere, his mind somewhere else, drowned in thoughts of her. He saw her there, running on the grass, wading on the shore next to the tied up boat. She would glance on him, and her hair would fly with the wind. She was very beautiful, that even a rainy day seemed perfect for a picnic. Cathy would simply light the whole world up. His visions of her brought tears to his eyes, and he closed them just in time before some fell. He cannot cry, must not cry. He promised her that. He would take it like a man, and be strong. His loneliness is eating him inside.

Jason wiped his eyes with his forehand, still clutching the locket in his left palm. He laid the locket down on the grass to his right, and the single red rose that he had brought along. “I will never forget you, and I will never stop loving you. But now, I have to move on.” Jason bent down and kissed the ground. A tear fell on Cathy’s grave.

He stood up and walked away.

writers note: the above story is fictitious and bears no reference to any real person or events. any resemblance to actual persons or events is purely coincidental.