...sunday evening epiphany...

The brightly colored ceiling of that ominous structure seemed pale at that moment when I lifted my head from sporadic sleep. Sitting in that monoblock chair while listening to a man garbed in white talk about how earthly possessions are of no use in the afterlife, I feel like I was intoxicated with sleep serum.

Then it hit me.

In times like these, I consider myself one of two things – either I am greatly blessed with the gift of an open mind and great reason, or I am simply greatly insane. Either way, I can tell my brain cells are at work again, and that senility is just around the corner, having consumed so much of these little critters that I think none is left in the insides of my skull.

I was staring at the man in white, hearing him speak, but not really listening, or at least trying to. Out of nothingness, I felt somebody behind me (which of course is just the wall, cue twilight zone theme) whisper. I felt the demons of this church were at work, looking out for those yawning, or balancing their checkbooks. I was simply questioning what the man in white was saying, about the things you shouldn’t and should do. I was probably interesting enough for these demons that one chose to talk to me (albeit of course, I was only talking to myself) The conversation, at least I think it was one, went like this:

Me (M): I know you’re there… what do you want?
Demon (matt?? Hehehe): (nothing, just silence…)

(at this point, I think I was having a monologue…)

M: hindi mo ako masasapian, hindi kita pinapayagan! (you cannot make sapi to me, I am not giving you permission!)

Anong gagawin mo? Tatakutin mo ako? Bakit mo ako tatakutin, e dapat nga kinukumbinsi mo ako para sumali sa army nyo laban sa diyos. (what are you going to do? Scare me? Why would you scare me, when you should be recruiting me to join you in your army against god?)

O baka naman talaga yan ang trabaho mo? Manakot. Magparusa. Kung ganon nga, you are still under the service of God! (or maybe that is really your job? To scare. To punish. If so, you are still under the service of God!)

What if, your new job is really to punish. And that you are part of the grand –rewards-punishment scheme of the universe!

Ha! Hindi na ako takot sa iyo! (I’m no longer scared of you!)


Thus my epiphany that night. It occurred to me that Lucifer, after all these time, could not, and would not ask for forgiveness from the man upstairs. Why? Speculations abound, but that night, I was convinced that he didn’t need to. He was “transferred” to a new role, from the bearer of light, the morning star, to the one called Satan, Belzeebub, and all other hideous names which man has come to call him. He now handles the punishment part of the scheme. And that without him, or the thought of hell, the souls of man will not follow the righteous way of the scriptures.

He is there to keep us all in line. I now have little belief that there ever was a great heavenly war, between angels and angels over the existence of men. The whole bad image of demons and the underworld was created to keep us in fear, fearful of the immense punishment that awaits the wicked. Eternal damnation for the bad.

On the other side of the epiphany, this is perhaps the ultimate revenge the angels have on the weakling called man created by the man upstairs with the gift of free will, and endowed with immeasurable mercy and understanding.

I pity the angels. Their existence is one of servitude and obedience, BUT with the conscious knowledge that another creature, made after them, enjoys a whole lot of freedom, with the option of making mistakes and then being forgiven simply by repenting. Theirs must be a life of continuous hell…